Georgie, God, Graduating and Medicine

           As it should be suggested by the title thus is going to be a long post...most likely the longest one I've done so far..which is a little nerve racking I sometimes go off on tangents when I'm focusing a thought to long. In the train to work though i read something that made me want to write, I became inspired by a friend's honesty in a blog post as well as in life and her connection with God. This brings me to the first G in the post title... Georgie.
              Georgie- Who is she? Georgie was a friend of a friend that I met through said posting this hilariously insightful video about people judging others, even though a lot of people claimed they were high in the video and it wasn't insightful. Since becoming friends with Georgie on Facebook I've seen/learned how nice and beautiful of a person she is. Recently she made a blog for the first time and posted her first blog post. It was inspiring to say the least, she was so bold and honest about her feelings and the things going in her life. In a comment I mentioned that I did medicine as well and my mother's reaction when I left it as well as well as my relationship with God.  Her relationship grew with God at the making of new friend that introduced her to a better relationship with him. Mine started that way as well...however the outcome was not the way I would have thought it would be.

         I can't say that I ever really had a strong relationship with God at all, when I was younger I was taken to churches that would say horrible things about other religions and I grew to respect all religions except ones that preach the destroying or otrocizing other religions.
         The last year though i broke up with my long term bf because I was an idiot in the relationship, and Ace just was not used to me. Through this break up led me to meeting a girl named Hina. I can't say that Hina and I didn't not click right away because we did, almost instantly. It lead to some great things as well as some very bad decisions...Hina was to say the least a heartbroken girl, he bf was a friend of mine and when they split it was for very crappy reasons(he was not the greatest of people) He broke her heart several times and with the help of my bf it was hopefully the last time. Hina originally started speaking to me on behalf of my bf because at the time I had ended things. and then was just lost. It turned into a I really like her and support her decision, so her and Ace stopped speaking because he felt betrayed by her sudden change -WARNING NUMBER ONE THAT FLEW RIGHT OVER ME!!!!

           Any way so Hina and became close friends over a short period of time, during that time her family welcomed me in and I became an extension of it, they were family to me as I was to them(wish that could have lasted) She became my cousin and her mom an auntie. It was through them that I became more a tuned to god and religion in general. I was invited to church and went for a while(3months i think) through the church I became more aware of my actions and the teachings of god, and met amazing people. During this time though I was not seeing Ace(i missed him at random moments and thought of calling or something) when ever I missed him just being in my life to talk to I would mention this to Hina and she mention things that he did when we were dating and how much better off I am now. When I was not so better off and considered it, she would mention something he said about me the most embarrassing one was when walking back from getting slushies with her younger sister and her sister's friend we were discussing old loves and crushes and she brings up Ace. Then she gets very loud and says he said all these things about her when they broke up!!! HE WAS LIKE THE DIRTY LITTLE SLUT!!! WHEN HE WAS LIKE THE SECOND GUY SHE HAS EVER SLEPT WITH IN HER LIFE!!!!!!!! Hira(younger sister) and Melissa(her friend) stood there mouths agape at what she just screamed out loud, I was extremely embarrassed that she said that out loud, and turns out that none of what she claimed he said was even true!!!! Needless to say I had a fight with him afterwards cursing him out, Things like this continued on for a while until we figured out that she was lying after the summer when I began speaking to him and I could no longer hang out with her. It came to light she would start a fight between us to insure that I would not go back speak to him. The tension at church with Hina and I continued for about a month before I couldn't take it anymore and left the church. I was very sad to make this decision but things were not going to change, Hina was not sorry for what she did or how betrayed I felt and how she destroyed things for Ace and I. To this day I still feel sad on sundays when I go work out instead of to church, because I just can not go back. The feelings of betrayal, discontent and exclusion(Hina began to isolate me from Hira and Melissa) was just too much...My last semester is stressful enough as it is, which leads me to graduating.

               This is my final semester(hopefully) in fashion marketing and it could not come sooner, outside of classes with extracurriculars I am doing very well, inside of classes,, my passion and joy that I started this major with died very quickly after going full time into the problem...things were so wrong the people everything just was so backwards and disturbing, I felt ostracized by many of the students and profs, no matter how hard I try I just can't get along with many of them...it is stressful and I just can't deal with it anymore at all. I literally just lose hope for everything when sitting in those classes. It makes me want to chain smoke and chew a pack of gum just to stop myself from losing my mind. I have started a habit of getting up and leaving my classes when I become overwhelmed, the last two semester that was done very frequently and and for extended periods of time. I basically screwed up my grades A LOT!!!!! the last semester and this one I made the decision to leave FIT and pursue a BFA at another school. Originally just in France, but I have decide not to put all my eggs in one basket and am looking into Canada as well so far I have found 3-4 schools I intend to apply for( I intentionally missed the fall deadline date for portfolio submission because I want to work in my retail field for around 6months-save a bit of money and then go off there). My mother wants me to enter in the fall, though like in the past, what my mother wants me to do is not always what  I do. Which leads to the final part of this long and confusing post title- Medicine.

             
                   Originally I was supposed to be studying at Columbia to be a doctor. That was the plan since age 12-for my mother that is. At age 11 I discovered manga, and from there over the course of the next 5 yrs I began drawing and writing. I wrote several manga series and did the extensive and poorly made storyboard for the main ones as well as the first 7 pages of the middle bridge series. During this time I was an A-/ B+ student not caring or working towards my actually A potential. My main concern was drawing and writing and getting into art school then going to an art college and from there starting my art career. I did get into two art schools over the course of my high school years (Wadleigh Secondary School for Performing and Visual Arts and Soho Arts Academy). Both times my mother found out and pulled me out two days before the semester started and had me transfered to a medical science school. The first was STAR Early College Academy(hell hole), and the second Clara Barton School of Health Professions. At STAR not only did my GPA go back to an A student ( i was severely depressed and wanted to leave at all costs) but I was able to complete 2yrs of high school in one (save gym credits) This lead me to the desire to drop out of high school at 15 get my GED and start college.

             
            However I was lied to and told you can't get your GED if you're under 18. -____- such bulll!!!!!!!!!!  Seeing as that didn't happen something else obviously did. My mother considered my art/drawing a phase, and I would grow out of it and love medicine and grow ambitions to become a doctor and make tons of money...i don't actually care about money. Which my mother still does not understand. So for 6yrs she tried to force medicine on me, I quit it yr 4 she thought I did yr 6. I started making the arrangements to graduate high school early and go to FIT for Fine Arts.(started as a part-time before leaving for the business school) I started this process and it was not known to my mother until the second yr of it when it was way to late to do anything about it really. She literally ad fights with my guidance consoler about my not graduating(which was so ridiculous) after several months of fighting and explaining I'm going to art school for college she gave in and consented.  However this was not the end of it, after my 3rd semester at FIT she began demanding I transfer to an accredited school (FIT SUNY is an accredited school) which meant transfer to Columbia. She still considered my art a phase and thought I would see the light and go back into medicine. This will never happen, because and fun and cool as medicine and science is and I love it, I have no desire to help people with it, more I have the desire to use it to either shock or scare people away.

I love science and medicine but those are my hobbies-nothing more.