There is so much I need to understand, it is almost pitiful when I think of it all. Below is a list of things I need to realise are okay with guys and that I can't feel unable to do or constantly apologize for.
Changing my hair colour whenever I feel like it without fear of being dumped or having to get an approval on it first
Not straightening my hair without feeling like it is a big issue or problem
Wearing hairstyles like buns without worrying about ridicule or hair grabbing over it
Being able to learn whatever language and own any brand of technology I want without being told it is a deal breaker that I own it
Not having to apologise for liking anime, comics or going to conventions and being who I am.
I've spent the majority of the last 4yrs doing just that...apologising for either being who I am or feeling sorry for things I'm quickly learning I don't need feel sorry for.
When I meet a guy I like I honestly feel nervous because I'm afraid of messing up and saying something that will upset him like 'I want to learn mandarin, I love comiccon, or I like the colour blue'
I feel worried about things like wearing my hair in a bun, talking about my friends, or wearing make up.
I feel like such a lame loser because I just don't know how to handle 'normal' things anymore and I'm so hesitant on so many things and I apologise constantly for them.
I'm learning and trying not to apologise for being myself anymore even though that is a bit hard of a habit to fall out of...I feel bad about that.
Because I feel as if I come off as this shy idiot, I am actually more reserved now, and it feels a bit weird being myself anymore though whenever I am I get this fun rush and nostalgia.
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